What's up with feedback?

In the history of management has there ever been a more misunderstood and misrepresented concept than that of “feedback?”

Just say the word in a work environment and you immediately see fear. The concept of feedback has sadly become conflated with an expectation of being dressed down - or worse - for poor performance.

The dread exists on both sides of the prospective conversation - no manager wants to deliver it, and no employee wants to receive it - all because the expectation is that feedback equals bad news.

The reality? “Feedback” is the entry point to behaviour change that increases the chances of a desired outcome. Without knowing that there’s a gap between what we’re trying to do and the impact of what we’ve actually done, it’s impossible to do better. Or to support people to do better.

Here's what you need to know:

One of the most useful definitions I’ve heard came courtesy of a coach colleague. “Feedback is information about the effectiveness of an action, delivered to the source of the action.”

Which explains my point above - it’s about what works (in the context of the goal and the intent) and what does not work.

So the first question has to be about what we were trying to accomplish. And the second one? Was the behaviour successful?

If I describe the effectiveness of an action in the context of the objective, I’m talking about a behaviour - not making a judgment on the value of the human being who did the action. There’s a HUGE difference here.

And once we know whether the chosen behaviour achieved the goal, we can have a conversation about whether doing the same thing again would be helpful, and if not, what some other choices might be.

No judgment about the value of the human being. Just a coaching conversation about intentions and possibilities.

Here’s how it can work:

1. Provide a concrete, recent, specific example of a behaviour. It’s critically important to NOT make sweeping generalizations (e.g. You’re not a good listener) but rather cite a recent incident that is representative of the issue (e.g. In yesterday’s team meeting you were on your phone when your teammates were speaking).
2. Discuss the impact of that behaviour (e.g. What message do you think that behaviour sent to your colleagues? Was that your intent?)
3. Collaborate on solutions for the future (e.g. if there’s a potential emergency and you need to be reachable, what are some other options?)

Before you do any of that, though, be sure you’re creating an environment where the conversation can be supportive and solution-oriented. Regular 1:1 meetings, full and undistracted attention, privacy and confidentiality assured - these are all the basic ingredients of the kind of situation where you can have a productive feedback conversation.

Let’s not ignore the receiving side, though. Because if the receiver is resistant - for any reason - the conversation is unlikely to be helpful (and the manager will be unlikely to attempt it another time).

In order to receive feedback with an open mind, the receiver has to first trust the intent of the person delivering the message. If there is a history of friction or previous negative experiences those must be processed and resolved before true receptiveness can exist. Second, the receiver must be open to the idea that they might be able to make more effective choices for better outcomes. Said another way, they must be willing to consider doing something differently. Too strong an attachment to past choices or too much certainty about being “right” undermines the conditions necessary for receiving feedback, no matter how constructive or well-intentioned.

And even with trust and openness in place, timing matters. Someone who is defensive, overwhelmed or emotionally activated will struggle to truly hear feedback.

If you’d like to talk about helping your team get more comfortable with giving AND receiving feedback, please get in touch. “Learning to Love Giving and Receiving Effective Feedback” is one of our most highly rated workshops.